What Ever Happened To… The Moxx of Balhoon?

Moxx of Balhoon

Remember back in 2005, just after we met the Ninth Doctor and Rose in Rose, when we met a collection of aliens aboard Platform One at The End of the World? There were of course the Forest of Cheem present, as well as the Adherence of the Repeated Meme? Wasn’t all of that fun, waiting for the sun to expand before the last human, Lady Cassandra tried to kill everyone on board? What’s that? I’ve forgotten someone? That can’t be! Ah yes, the Moxx of Balhoon, the famous solicitor whom had a head that looked a bit like a blue bum; of course I remember him! Whatever happened to him? I can exclusively reveal that information to you…

After the events of Platform One; the Moxx of Balhoon saw a great opportunity due to his status as a famous solicitor; he helped file cases at a discounted rate for everyone who was effected and still living (Sorry Jabe). The Moxx attempted to take Lady Cassandra to court and sue her for attempted murder and deformation of character; however Lady Cassandra’s brain and the rest of her estate’s whereabouts were unknown. Luckily, the Moxx of Balhoon was fairly friendly with the Shadow Proclamation and they granted warrant for her capture and arrest.

Over twenty years past, and the Doctor and Rose met with Cassandra in the events of New Earth in which a new piece of skin from her original body was assigned to the brain. After the events in the New New York Hospital, where many of the humans that were made for the sole purpose of experimentation were seemingly cured and freed, the Moxx of Balhoon seemingly had all of his Christmases come at once; not only did he have the chance to represent all of these humans in suing the Sisters of Plenitude, but he also managed to tip the NNYPD to the whereabouts of the wanted Lady Cassandra.

It took a whole two months for the Shadow Proclamation to organise an intergalactic court date for the case of Lady Cassandra vs. Visitors of Platform One. The trial took a record seven minutes as Lady Cassandra’s brain and third generation of skin pleaded insanity. The Moxx of Balhoon and his clients were each rewarded 10,000,000 Credits each, the equivalent to £25,000,000 or $35,255,000. At this point, it was expected for the Moxx of Balhoon to retire to a peaceful planet and live out the rest of his days in wealth. This was not the case.

Within a year of winning the Cassandra vs Platform One case, the Moxx of Balhoon left his post as a solicitor at Jolco and Jolco to start up his own business; Balhoon’s Balloons & Party Supplies. Sadly for the Moxx of Balhoon, the party supplies business was a non-starter, and he quickly fell into debt. Within six months of Balhoon’s Balloons & Party Supplies being established, it had to declare bankruptcy; having such a celebrity at the helm too had it’s downsides, as the downfall of what was seemingly the start of the Moxx of Balhoon’s empire was broadcast on every channel that came out of the newest broadcaster, Satellite Five.

The Moxx of Balhoon faded into obscurity, penniless and alone; he tried to get his job back at Jolco and Jolco, however the position was already filled by a rogue Time Agent called Captain John. The Moxx spent the rest of his life in poverty, having to sell everything he owned for food and water so he could still greet people with his bodily salivas. Sadly in 5,000,000,072, the Moxx of Balhoon passed away and his name slowly faded even more into obscurity.


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